I got inspired to write about this last week when suddenly one of my colleagues brought up the subject. He's a Malaysian guy struggling to find ‘the one' through dating sites and somehow he always failed. Basically, he brought up the subject as he wanted to find the hole about what he has done wrong.
He went out on several dates, and despite the fact that some of them went well, they always ended up miserably. He made some kind of statistic for the dates he's been through with the composition of 10% total failure, 40% gold diggers, and half of the chances he got, the dates went well but everything got dry after the date with the girls communicating less and less each day.
Being a guy as he is, he could notice the red flags. But as a human being, he is curious to find out what he has done wrong just so he can try to at least improve it if he gets another chance.
As an Indonesian girl who's been so long since the last time I dated another Indonesian, I've given the perspective as myself. To my surprise, just today I had a lunch date with my old friend. And this event kind of inspired me to write about this even more.
Please note that I'm not an expert in any kind of dating, it's been 9 years since the last time I was dating Indonesian guy. But then in my defence, within 9 years, I had dated some other guys with various nationality. To name a few, I used to date a Kosovar for a year, a Tunisian for 1.5 years and an Englishman for a few months.
So maybe, it might help a bit to see my perspective as an Indonesian girl who could actually get along with someone from different cultures. Like I'm so ready to raise a third cultured child if you want to sound a little creepy and clingy. Haha. :p
Anyway…
There's a saying in Indonesian that if you want to get serious in terms of relationship, you need to be in a relationship with their family.
Take my Mom, for example, she's been quite anxious for the fact that it's been awhile since the last time I brought someone home to introduce to the whole family. She knows that I have dated some guys, but for her, it's not official as I never brought anyone home except for my English ex-boyfriend who took time to call her with my brother's assistance as my Mom barely speaks English.
With family being important for Indonesian people, like it or hate it, the subject about religion will come up.
Like I mentioned before, I just had a date with my old friend this afternoon and for some reason he wanted to talk to me about religion due to some of my facebook and instagram posts. He directly asked me whether I still believe in God, in which I answered him that yes, I am still a believer.
You know why I believe in God? Because the way I see it, I think God always answers my prayer when it's too late and I no longer want it. I told my friend about this, and he asked me whether it's a joke or true story. I said the latter.
I mean, this old friend of mine who I just had a date with today, I used to have a huge crush on him when I was in the 7th grade. It was quite obvious as I let everyone know about the fact that I crushed on him. And to be fair, it was pretty clear that he didn't want anything to do with me back then.
The fact that he suddenly invited me for lunch and started talking about religion when we barely even talked back in the days of our junior high school is beyond my expectation.
Honeymoon phase for Indonesians is real.
In Indonesian, we call it ‘pendekatan' as it refers to the fact that we're trying to get to know each other better. But the concept of this ‘pendekatan' is to show your date/partner the best version of yourself.
The necessity of this phase is probably a sole reason why I attract more foreigners than Indonesian men. Because I'm too lazy to look sweet and kissy-kissy all the time. I love joking around, and when someone approached me then I need to know whether he can laugh at my dark jokes. If he finds it offensive, then I see no future.
Indonesian men tend to like the opposite of my attitude. I suppose in this phase, the less attitude, the better it will go for Indonesian. Understandable, but again that's what fails me to find any Indonesian man. 😉
It won't hurt to find out their background before approaching them.
Well, if you're a proud liberal, I'm quite sure you won't get along with those who come from a hardcore Muslim family. But then even then it won't guarantee you that you can't work things out, because maybe he or she is the rebel of the family?
Pretty much like the guy I went out for lunch date today, long story short he poured himself out telling me that he was in the state of confusion as he starts to believe that God doesn't even exist. And then he starts telling me about how his family is a conservative who is anything but pro-Ahok.
From all above, I think like the typical 101 relationship, communication is the key. And if you can do it well with your partner, then I could guarantee that approaching them would be an easy job.
Have you got any experience dating an Indonesian guy/girl? Care to share your stories about what attracts you and what you do to approach them? Comment below, and cheerio! 😀
