In case you didn’t know, last Monday was my 30th birthday. If you remember that episode of Friends where everybody turned 30, well… I gotta admit that it was only a little stressful.
Like honestly, I didn’t think much about how old I am now. I think much about how I am 30 and still not rich enough to buy stuff without checking the price. But anyway…
So, in this opportunity, marking the early days of my dirty thirty, I’m creating a mixtape of the songs that basically sum up my life in the past 30 years. And just so you know, I’m no longer 30 and single. Just 30.
On Being 30
I honestly didn’t feel any significant change that differs myself from the past. I mean, sure I’ve gained more knowledge with my mind more opened to anything. At this point, I try to mind my own business instead of getting worried about other people’s. Like, I’m just trying to live the best life. At least for myself.
Above everything, I think it’s a great occasion to show my gratitude to the Almighty to get me through this life. It wasn’t always easy, but at least I’ve made it this far, in the hope to be able to get further.
The Dirty Thirty Mixtape
So, let’s start with the mixtape…
I’ve compiled 30 songs that sum up what my life is all about. At this point, my siblings were probably right when they said that I listen to much of girl singers because when I made a list of songs for this, pretty much all girl songs detected! 😛
1. Martina McBride – Happy Girl
“Oh, watch me go, I’m a happy girl… Everybody knows that the sweetest thing that you’ll ever see in the whole wide world is a happy girl.”
I gotta admit that it’s so hard to be fully happy in this somewhat depressing world with a lot of peer pressures in hand.
But I think it’s important to keep reminding yourself to stay positive no matter how difficult the situation seems. I’ve found my medium through some silly memes and dark jokes to laugh at the obstacles in life. What’s yours? 😉
2. Hilary Duff – I Am
“I’m someone filled with self-belief, I’m haunted by self-doubt. I’ve got all the answers, I’ve got nothing figured out. I like to be by myself, I hate to be alone. I’m up and I am down. But that’s part of the thrill, part of the plan… Part of all the things I am.”
During my adolescence, I rarely focused on the lyrics of music that I listened to. Not only didn’t I speak English fluently back then, but also because I was far from being melancholic. Like, I literally only listened to the song with the music that suited my teenage angst.
That, until I listened to this song from Hilary Duff… Like, wait a minute, she’s right. Life is a contradiction and so am I.
Fast forward to now, I still could relate to the song.
3. Lillix – Dirty Sunshine
“I feel like shit now, but I don’t mind cause it’s that time again. I’m in my sweat pants and I’m a mess, don’t want to let you in. Your sweetness gives me cavities. You’re all I don’t want to.”
Well, back at it again to the list of songs that I listened to when I was a teenager. I never really gave extra attention to the lyrics, but I remember one day on my 20s and I was listening to this song. And it hit me so hard that this song is basically my theme song during that time of the month when everything feels so wrong.
I mean, seriously… Which one of you is actually keen into getting period or PMS? No one, right?!
4. Mandy Moore – 17
“I don’t want to do right. I just want you tonight, not just only in my dreams. Save my best behavior for a little later, cause I’m only seventeen.”
I lost my virginity when I was 17. To my first boyfriend who cheated on me with several other girls.
I was a little broken when I found out, and there were times when I felt like I was useless just because I’ve already lost my innocence. This song helped me through this period, and I could never thank Mandy Moore enough for this song in particular.
5. Everlife – Go Figure
“Sometimes you fall before you fly, sometimes you laugh when you should cry. Go figure. When things got messed up, you wanted to give up, nothing seemed right but turned out fine. Go figure.”
Well, let’s just face it… I grew up with Disney songs, okay? And despite the fact that I didn’t really watch Hannah Montana, but Everlife is basically a part of life. And this song, in particular, I casually listened to this song again a few years back and it got me woke!
I mean, honestly though… The lyrics are something you need to guide you. Especially when you have to face some difficulties and obstacles throughout this thing called life.
6. Taylor Swift – A Place In This World
“I’m alone, on my own and that’s all I know. I’ll be strong, I’ll be wrong oh but life goes on. I’m just a girl trying to find a place in this world.”
First of all, it’s so hard to skip Taylor Swift when I literally belong to the 1989 generation. Like, her first heartbroken experience felt so close to home and so was this song at the time.
Although to be fair, while she herself might have already found her place in this world, I’m still trying to figure out where mine is. Life is a bitch indeed.
7. The Band Perry – Mother Like Mine
“So the wars would all be over, cause she’d raise us all as friends. And no one would ever wonder if somebody wanted them. We’d walk on grass that’s greener, and our cares would all be freer… If the world had a mother like mine.”
My siblings are my best friends, and I should thank my Mom for that. I’ve seen some friends who couldn’t just get along with their siblings, and I simply couldn’t relate. It was only when I got older that having a mother like mine is actually a privilege.
Not all moms could raise their kids as friends, and not all moms could be so open to the idea of accepting new ideas. But my mom could do them all. And I couldn’t thank her enough for being who she is, so I could be myself right now.
8. Sugababes – Ugly
“People are all the same, and we only get judged by what we do. My personality reflects me, and if I’m ugly then so are you.”
Well, in case you haven’t noticed… I’m quirky and let’s accept the fact that not everyone could accept my quirks easily. There are times when people told me that I should behave myself. They said I should do this and that, but I think I’ve managed to show them that it’s okay to be different when we’re all human.
Sadly, not everyone could accept that concept. It’s their tragedy.
9. Carrie Underwood – Don’t Forget To Remember Me
“Tonight I find myself kneeling by the bed to pray, I haven’t done this in a while so I don’t know what to say. But Lord, I feel so small sometimes in this big ol’ place. Yeah I know there’s more important things, but don’t forget to remember me…”
I could relate to this song a few years later after I listened to this song on daily basis. Like I never really experienced getting far away from home when I first bought Carrie Underwood’s CD when I was in high school.
It was on my first flight off to Doha before continuing my journey to Istanbul and then Izmir when I understand that everything in this song just makes sense.
When you’re far away from your beloved ones, there are times you need some assurance that you’re unforgotten.
10. The Wreckers – Cigarettes
“Someday, maybe somebody will love me like I need. And someday, I won’t have to prove cause somebody will see all my worth. But until then, I’ll do just fine on my own, with my cigarettes and this old dirt road.”
I’ve spent most of my life being alone and single as fuck. There were times in my early dating days when I had to pretend myself to impress, and that was somewhat a hard learning curve for a hopeless romantic like me.
That, until I got to the point that if people like me for who I am, there’s no need for me to pretend to be something who I am not. Hence, spending most of my life being single.
But hey, for those of you non-believers… I think now I’ve found that somebody who loves me as I need. And I don’t have to prove to him that I’m worth staying in his life. Yes, that despite all the quirkiness and crazy stuff that I’ve got to offer.
11. Miranda Lambert – We Should Be Friends
“If you use alcohol as a sedative and bless your heart as a negative. If you ride your white horse like the wind, if what you see is what you get, well then… Oh, we should be friends.”
To be honest, I could never be friends with anyone who calls her friends ‘babe’ or ‘darling’. I don’t have time for anything artificial like that, and I tend to get along with those who could look rough and tell the truth.
And to be fair, I always have that kind of “hate at first sight” feeling whenever I meet someone new. The energy never lies.
12. Sugarland – Baby Girl
“Dear Mom and Dad, please send money… I’m so broke that it ain’t funny. I don’t need much, just enough to get me through. Please don’t worry cause I’m alright, I’m playing here at the bar tonight. This time I’m gonna make our dreams come true, well I love you more than anything in the world. Love, your baby girl.”
Some people might label me as a bump if they find out that there are still times when I couldn’t make my ends met. But it’s true. I ask money to my parents sometimes, and I can’t wait to make my dreams come true just so that I could give them luxuries that they gave me.
I understand that I’m quite lucky to have such privilege, and I hope that soon I’ll make them proud.
13. Little Mix – Weird People
“Cause we’re all weird people, and we’re shaking from the basement to the roof. You know the people on the bus and the people on the street, people like you and the people like me… Weird people.”
If there’s anything that I get about people is that everyone is weird. Like you see people, they seem to be normal until you finally get close enough to them to find their antics. I gotta say dude, everybody is weird in a different way. Choose yours wisely.
14. Julianne Hough – About Life
“Ever since I was a little girl, you couldn’t dare tell me a thing. I was as stubborn as they come, I was such a drama queen. Thought I was right, yeah… I could do no wrong.”
I always think that I’m a drama queen with some diva attitude. But not that bad.
But for everything that has happened to my life, I think at some point I gotta say I’m quite proud of who I’ve become. I turned out okay, even though I’m not like the perfect one.
15. Mandisa – Overcomer
“You’re an overcomer, stay in the fight til the final round. You’re not going under under, cause God is holding you right now. You might be down for a moment, feeling like it’s hopeless… That’s when He reminds you that you’re an overcomer.”
I’m not exactly religious. And I don’t really listen to Christian songs, but this one from Mandisa is an exceptional. Not only that the tune is somewhat cheerful, but the rhythm and the lyrics kinda help. Especially during some difficult times.
Well, I think this far… We all agree that in life, we need to expect the unexpected. And to get through things, sometimes all you need is just to believe that you could overcome them.
16. Lauren Alaina – Like My Mother Does
“I never met a stranger, I can talk to anyone… Like my mother does. I let my temper fly, and she can walk away when she’s had enough.”
The older I get, the more I see my mother in me. If you asked me 15 years ago and you said that I remind you of my mom, I might get a little upset. But damn, now that I’m 30… I’ll take that word with pride.
17. Kelsea Ballerini – In Between
“Dumb enough to think I know it all, smart enough to know I don’t. Young enough to think I’ll live forever, old enough to know I won’t.”
Well, if there’s one song that could sum up everything about my 30th birthday… That would be this.
I mean, it’s that time in my life when I think I could achieve anything. But the lessons learned through this life would also remind me that in order to get that, I also need to be realistic. It’s not the right time for some kind of fairy tale, all I need is just to do the best and live on.
18. Maddie & Tae – Downside of Growing Up
“That’s alright, that’s okay… It’s just the way you find your way, it’s the road you gotta take to get to where you’re going. You’re gonna twist, you’re gonna turn. But it’s how you’re gonna learn a lot about life, a lot about love on the downside of growing up.”
At this point, I totally understand that growth is absolutely NOT a comfortable thing to do but hell we have to get through it.
19. Karmin – I’m Just Saying
“Even when you got a shadow of a doubt, even when a hundred people tell you it’s a wipeout… You gotta do it big. You gotta do it strong. At the end of the day, you’re the one who’s in the wrong.”
I think I’m lucky enough that the majority of people that are close to me fully support me for what I do. If anything, I think the most negativity I got was from those people that don’t know me at all, and that’s okay.
But for exactly the same reason, sometimes you just need to be fearless to see what could have been.
20. Catherine McGrath – Starting From Now
“You’re Mr. Right Now, but you’ll never be Mr. Right. Everybody says you’re dangerous, but this feeling’s too strong to fight. Ignoring all the warning signs, you’ll leave in the morning light. Should we pretend that we can be friends?”
A part of me growing in terms of a relationship was that ex that always found a way to come back. The worst part of it was that I let him come back. So, really… He wasn’t the only one who’s in the wrong.
It took his engagement picture to assured me that enough was enough. And even then, he still tried to reach out. I’m so proud of myself that I stay strong and just move on starting from then.
21. Pistol Annies – Bad Example
“Somebody had to set a bad example, teach all the prim and propers what not to do. Nobody around here wants to ramble. What the hell, that’s what I was born to do.”
Growing up in some kind of conservative and traditional family who believe that marriage in their 30s is the biggest achievement of a woman’s life, I’m trying to prove them wrong.
Sure I am the bad example, but for a good reason.
22. Marit Larsen – Traveling Alone
“You’re gonna get lost, you’re gonna get scared. You’re gonna wanna give up, your hands in the air. You gotta stay with it, oh you gotta stay with it.”
For whoever said that they travel alone to find themselves, I’d disagree. I mean, yes I travel alone most of the time. But not everyone who travels alone in order to search one’s true self.
On the contrary, sometimes they travel alone because they know themselves too well that they just want to celebrate who they are with traveling as the medium. At least, that’s what I do.
23. Miranda Cosgrove (feat. Rivers Cuomo) – High Maintenance
“All I want is everything, does that make sense? Doest that make me high maintenance?”
I mean, didn’t I mention about my slightly diva attitude? 🙂
24. Michelle Branch – Crazy Ride
“And there will be days when your heart’ll break in. Swear that all your strength is gone, but then you’ll find a way to carry on.”
Another song to help me carry on. Sure it won’t transform my wallet to get thicker when needed, but at least I could pretend that I was in the video clip singing the song to pour my heart out when I get sad.
Who could relate?
25. Lily Allen – Fuck You
“So you say, it’s not okay to be guy. Well, I think you’re just evil. You’re just some racist who can’t tie my laces. Your point of view is medieval. Fuck you, fuck you very very much. Cause we hate what you do and we hate your whole crew. So please don’t stay in touch.”
Before you hate me on this, please understand that I come from Indonesia and I’m surrounded by so many snowflakes. That includes some family member that I don’t even like who think they’re great to remind me to keep religious.
But hey, our ‘culture’ doesn’t include saying this right in the face. So then I might as well just serenade…
26. Kelly Pickler – The Woman I Am
“I’m stubborn and proud, and get loud with a beer in my hand. Sometimes I curse too much cause I don’t give a damn. And that’s the woman I am.”
If I need to describe myself in one song these days, then that would be this song. I swear to God, I put this song on my last Tinder profile as a warning. 😛
I might not get my boyfriend through Tinder, but well… At least that way I know Tinder is just not for me.
27. Sara Evans – You’ll Always Be My Baby
“In the sunlight or the rain, brightest nights or darkest days. I’ll always feel the same way. Whatever road you may be on. Know you’re never too far gone. My love is there, wherever you may be. Just remember, that you’ll always be my baby.”
There was one event that I would never forget during my early 20s. I snuck out to celebrate a New Year’s Eve with my friends, even when my Dad didn’t let me go.
I got a minor accident on the day. But the regret that I had was the major one, because not only that now I had to be responsible for the car crash but also I knew my dad would be super disappointed.
I remember the first time I saw his face when I got home, I came and hugged him because I was really sorry. I should’ve listened to him, but then he forgave me.
28. Celine Dion – Taking Chances
“What do you say to takin’ chances? What do you say to jumpin’ off the edge? Never knowing if there’s solid ground below, or a hand to hold or hell to pay. What do you say? What do you say?”
This sums up my current relationship with my boyfriend. I mean, some people got skeptical when I said that I’m thinking about getting serious with this guy. We’ve literally known each other for like 2 months.
Even I got skeptical after the first date, and we actually discussed the prospect and whether it would be worth our time to take chances. We agree that it is.
29. SHeDAISY – Whose Life Am I In
“Some say that I can be just as hard as a rock, but I can be oh so much bolder. I look you in the eye, and I’ll take you by surprise. And I’ll eat this chip off my shoulder. I’m so bored, I could cry. I’m so happy, I could die. Do I really want to learn to fly?”
I’ve heard this song the first time through one of Kate Hudson’s movies that I watched during my time writing on my thesis.
I mean, really… Life could be so frustrating sometimes.
30. Rascal Flatts – Bless The Broken Road
“Every long lost dream led me to where you are. And others who broke my heart, they were like northern stars pointing me on my way into your loving arms. This much I know it’s true, that God blessed the broken road that led me straight to you.”
The only song sung by a man, but it pretty much sums up everything about my 30th year living in this world. I feel content about where I am, who I am or who I am with. It is amazing.
Life wasn’t always easy. I got sad and frustrated a lot of times, and I’ve done my fair amount of debauchery in the past. But I’m glad that I’ve been through everything to be the present me.
I’ve learned my lesson, in hope to be something better in the future.
So, cheers for this 30 and listen up to the mixtape of this dirty thirty. and cheerio! 😀