Let's be vulnerable today because I feel kinda sad lately. It all began by seeing some friends who were once close to me… They hung out together without even inviting me. And I started wondering whether it was because I chose a different path to live, or because they hated me.
Look, I'm not usually insecure. If anything, I'm probably the most narcissistic person you could ever find. But hey, I'm a human being, so sometimes insecurity hits that my mind wanders, and I start feeling bad about myself.
I don't know if it's just the 2020 effect that finally arrived in my life. But that's when I got an idea to write about this piece. I figure a lot of people have their own problems regardless of their situation.
Recently, I got reconnected with some old friend, and I also got to make some new friends. All with their kind of problems, at least I know that I'm not the only person here who feels like I cannot get my shit together.
Now, forget about your horoscope… What's that one song you play on repeat when you're feeling down?
“Our sweetest songs are those that tell of saddest thought.”
Percy Bysshe Shelley.
How to Feel Better When You Feel Like Shit
When I saw the pictures of my friends hanging out together without me, I started wondering what made me forgotten. Is it the fact that they always invited me at the last minute when I had things to do, so eventually they stopped trying? Is losing friends what I have to pay for quitting my full-time job? Or is it the memes I keep sharing for fun that makes me look like a dimwit, so they're kinda embarrassed by me?
Many questions were unanswered, but thankfully, when I felt like I lost a circle of friends, an old friend reached out to ask me how I am doing.
We've been friends since we were 14. She was the first person I ran to on MSN Messenger when I had my first kiss, and 10 years later, she messaged me on Whatsapp when she found out she was pregnant. We don't always communicate, but we always have something fruitful that comes with the conversation when we do.
It wasn't long until she told me that she encountered some marriage problems last year, but she chose to stay for so many reasons. She said she does it for the kids because the kids love their father, and despite his flaws, he's her good friend. For a while, she forgot her own happiness, and the only solution is to get what she once lost… And that's why she's having an affair.
Now, if you asked me back when I was in my 20s, I'd probably ask her a million questions about why she did it. But this time, I didn't.
And I don't want to sound like I'm a bad person, but damn… I feel kinda better when I found out that I'm not the only one who feels shitty that day. Even better, cause it sounds like her problem is worse than mine. LOL.
Long story short, after we finished chatting, I got an idea to write this piece because sometimes music is the only way to get away with my feeling.
Maybe I have such a terrible coping mechanism when I feel sad, but at least I don't do drugs, so that's that.
5 Songs to Listen to When You Feel Like You Don't Have Anything Figured Out
Now, let's get to this post's main topic to talk about the songs that I'd like to listen to when I feel like shit. That time when I just have no idea what I should do, but I know I don't want to feel bad so I need to change something.
Sometimes, when we don't know how to express ourselves when we're sad or clueless, it helps to listen to the songs whose lyrics represent your feeling at the time.
So, what are my jams?
1. Beauty in the Flaws – Sophia Scott
“Seems like all your friends are getting married, buying their first house and making babies. Feeling like you're stuck, never growing up.“
Sophia Scott – Beauty in the Flaws
One of the things that people rarely talk about being a strong, independent woman is that sometimes you get lonely. Not because you need a man in your life, but also because you realize that you've grown apart from those people you used to call friends at some point in your life. And I've learned it the hard way.
I know I'm struggling, but it's relieving to know that maybe they're thriving for their own problems too.
Take my old friend and me. When we were in high school, we could literally talk to each other every day through Myspace and MSN Messenger. We talked about anything from our crush to what's trending at the time.
Not so long after her baby was born, she reached out to me feeling lonely because she's lost a lot of friends. She didn't have time to hang out anymore, and at the time I tried to understand.
I never thought that I'd feel the same way, only the other way around. When everyone is having babies, I feel like I'm left behind just because I'm stuck trying to live my life alone.
This song is my best friend when that feeling strikes.
2. Kelsea Ballerini – homecoming queen?
“Did your daddy teach you how to act tough? Or more like your mama, sweep it under the rug?”
Kelsea Ballerini – homecoming queen?
I have a hard time processing my emotions. When I'm sad, I take a nap. When I'm bored, I start eating. When I'm happy, I play with my cats. The list goes on, and as much as I think it's okay, sometimes it isn't.
There are times when I feel kinda numb when I know I need to feel something. And I'm still working my ass off to be less of that, and more emotional for my own good.
One thing that I need to stress for any of you who probably feels kind of shitty today is this: everyone is fighting their own battle, no matter how good their exterior is. Don't get fooled by appearance because it's often misleading.
Some people might look like they have it better than you, but you can never guarantee that they don't have anything to hide behind all the good things on the surface.
I know it sounds like terrible advice, but by thinking that others have it worse than you, sometimes things get easier for you.
Like I said before, sometimes the only thing that makes me feel better about your shitty condition is to know that someone has it worse than you.
3. Mickey Guyton – Heaven Down Here
“Hey God, I know I don't hit you up that often, but the world is turning upside down. I swear it feels like all we've got is problems and there's so many, I'm losing count.”
Mickey Guyton – Heaven Down Here
Ever since Spotify suggested Mickey Guyton's single “Sister” last year, I've been obsessed with her. I've followed her on all social media. I exchanged a few chats with her on Twitter because that's how much I love her and her music. But it's not only just the music.
I think the downside of listening to mostly country music is that it's rare to find a woman of color rocking the genre. The market is saturated by some blondies that I could never relate to in terms of the look.
When I found out Mickey is black, I'm genuinely happy because I love country music but I don't wanna be labeled as ‘banana'. You know, yellow on the outside but white inside. LMAO. #asianproblem
And boyyyy… I could relate to all of her songs without exception. Maybe except for Black Like Me since I'm not black. But I tell you what, the first time I heard the song during #BLM lately, my heart was shrunk.
Anyway, I could really listen to her song Heaven Down Here when I'm down. Because honestly, despite not being religious, sometimes when I feel like shit, I couldn't blame anyone but God if He exists.
It's better to find a black sheep when things go wrong, and if it has to be God, then so be it.
4. Carrie Underwood – Smoke Break
“She said I don't drink, but sometimes I need a stiff drink sipping from a high, full glass, let the world fade away.”
Carrie Underwood – Smoke Break
The first time I heard this song when her Storyteller came out, I noticed that it wasn't really just about alcohol or cigarettes. It's about life in general, and how as a human, we sometimes have our limit for how much pain we could endure.
Alcohol or cigarettes are never a solution to your problem, but some people think they help to lighten up when things get hard.
Whichever coping mechanism that works for you, I just hope you do it responsibly.
5. Olivia Lane – Quarter Life Crisis
“Sitting in my sweatpants, eating cheap Chinese. Watching Netflix on my hand-me-down couch, thinking back to the 18-year-old me. Man, she thought she had it figured out… Nope.”
Olivia Lane – Quarter Life Crisis
So, if you look back to 5-10 years ago, what did you expect about this thing called growing up? Did you also think that you'd have everything figured out at this point? Do you think the younger version would be proud of you?
But I guess that's what life is all about. That's the point of living, to begin with. You don't have to figure out everything; you just need to take a leap to see if something's working. If it is, then hold on to that shit. If not, then it sucks to be you, but life goes on.
I remember one line from my favorite book that I read in my teenage years. It was Melina Marchetta's Looking for Alibrandi where the line goes something like how living is the challenge because dying is so easy. It could take only ten seconds to die, but living could take you eighty years, and yet you still have to do something about it within those years.
It's like… Shitty things are guaranteed in life. The only good thing is that the only way to go is to go up when you feel down. It takes time, but you'll get there.
You may be full of doubts, or you second-guess your capabilities to solve your problems. But above everything, I hope you never lose hope.
So, if you feel like shit today, then know that you're not alone. I hope music could accompany and lead you to a better version of yourself.
If not, just hang in there and sleep it off. If you still feel shit when you wake up, my inbox is open for you. Unless you try to scam me in any way, I'd probably respond to you.
Stay safe, and cheerio!
