Yesterday was the day I have lost a pet, a best friend and a brother as Disco passed away in his 8th year being with the family and 12th year of his entire life.
I spent my time crying all night, but now I think I'm ready to pour my heart out to write about how losing a cat who's been with me in the past 8 years has affected me. No one told me it would be easy, and damn it was hard as hell.
I woke up with swollen eyes only to find out he's no longer here to greet me and show his begging eyes for me to feed him. Thank God I've got Chiban, Disco's offspring, who's here for me to remind me that the death of Disco is not the end of everything.
Throughout the night, I have collected the pictures taken while he was here with the family only to reminisce the sad and happy days when we've been through everything together in the past few years.
And from those pictures, there's one thing that I know of: I could do nothing but just be thankful for his existence. Through him, I've seen the transformation of me as well as his.
I think it was around late 2009 when Febi, my friend from college, tweeted about her cat as she had some reasons to give up on him at home. She was looking for anyone interested to adopt him.
I had a cat once when I was a kid, but I never really thought of myself as a cat person because if anything, I thought I was more like a dog person.
But when I saw the tweet, there was something awaken in me and I asked Febi whether I could adopt him. I thought it's only a few years before I gotta face the adulthood myself, and who would have known what the future would bring? For this, I am so grateful for Febi's trust to let Disco come home with me.
I was a naive 20 years old girl when I took him home, solely for the sake of myself trying to learn how to take care of a living creature before I get a chance to have a child on my own one day.
My Mom only partially agreed about adopting a cat, and we often had to fight over Disco for no reason.
That, until in summer 2010, I got a scholarship to move to Izmir for a summer course and I had to leave home. Disco was included.
The journey to Izmir marks the beginning of a lot of things for me. Not only that it was my first time for me to get on a plane as I had never done before, but it was also my first time to go overseas. And even such a bigger deal as I had to stay somewhere, far away from home and family for the very first time for almost 3 months.
I know my siblings love Disco as much as I love him, but I was a bit worried about my Mom since she often tried to find a reason to scold him, and I was the one who would be so outspoken to defend him.
We're a traditional Indonesian family, and my family is not the kind of people who would treat a pet like a family. And my Mom was so strong about this.
Don't let him enter your room, she said. For all she cared, he might bring some disease. I know she's done it for the sake of her love towards me, but I know for sure that Disco was a healthy cat. Even the first time I saw him at Febi's, I was surprised as he was probably the biggest domestic cats that I've ever seen.
Around a month after I left Indonesia to Turkey, I got a news about Disco's injury and my siblings had to take him to the vet. In result, one of his legs got crooked and he found it hard to work normally in a few weeks.
His condition didn't change until one day when Disco thought no one was looking, he walked normally when everybody at home knew his leg was still crooked. At that time, my Mom saw him. She was so surprised and amazed, she started talking to him that if he missed me, then so did she.
That afternoon, my Mom texted me about the event and she told me that she now tried to make a herbal medication for Disco's leg made of ginger and all the things she knows.
The event marks the day when even my Mom started to treat him like a family.
“Such short little lives our pets have to spend with us, and they spend most of it waiting for us to come home each day.”
John Grogan, Marley & Me
Ever since the day, my Mom not only would feed him when no one was home, but she also gave him shower when everyone was too busy or lazy.
Since then, Disco was no longer just a pet. He's also a part of The Sutimos. 🙂
Disco has become the new kid in the household, we showered him with love and affection. When he got sick, we would be in a rush to make a vet appointment.
And when he started to get on heat, we were the one who looked for a potential mate for him. Fortunately, we've got a lot of friends who were also cat owners so it was relatively easy to find a female cat for his desire. One of them would be Chiki, Nita's cat who was only 3 years younger than him.
“Until one has loved an animal, a part of one's soul remains unawakened.”
Anatole France
We've got a lot of his offsprings through Chiki, and it had always been easy to find a new home for them although sometimes it was hard to let go when you already took care of them for 3 months. Our home has always been full of joy, and I'm forever grateful. 🙂
I remember I was partially joking with my siblings that one day if I ever got married, I'd have Disco as my ring bearer. I'd want him to wear tuxedo costume and he'd be the cutest and most important cat on that day.
It hurt now that he's no longer with us, the joke was just a joke. Disco would never be the ring bearer on my wedding day, and my future husband would never know how this cat affected me so much in terms of being a person I am now.
But I'm not even sorry, if you asked me 9 years ago whether I would ever imagine myself being a crazy cat lady, I would probably say no. But here I am, I could manage to take care of 4 cats at home and I spent the whole week crying as I saw Disco dying. It was difficult.
It was only a few days after I adopted another cat when Disco showed some sign as his health was decreasing.
I took him to the vet the next day. The vet said that he's got tuberculosis and the sign showed that it was quite bad. The once 11-kg cat was only 3.5 kgs, and he couldn't eat properly even though he woke up and came to the bowl when it's dinner time with the other cats.
He had to eat intravenously ever since, and his health was degrading each day to the point that I couldn't stand see him like that. So yesterday morning, it was a restless night as I couldn't sleep watching him fighting for life.
I sat beside him and whispered, “You don't have to be strong for me anymore, Ndut. I hate to see you suffering like this. If you can't handle it, I'll be okay if you just go. It'd be difficult, but you've been amazing to me.”
He listened to me, so off he has gone.
It's hard to face the day, knowing that he's no longer here with me. He will no longer sit on my lap just so he could listen to me reading the book that I love, and he won't be there watching football with me, knowing that Arsenal was sucky these days.
But one thing that I know of that somehow relieves me. He's no longer in pain. He's probably up there, playing with Metal and Batty. No one would scold him for eating too much because he had to get on diet, he would play and eat for free up there. And one day, I'll see him again for yet another joy. 🙂
“But if hearts are made of dust and if we fell from the stars, I look up to the stars and know just where you are.”
Jessica Andrews, Never Be Fogotten
Rest well, Ndut… I hope you know that I've loved you. From the first vet visit to your very last breath.
I loved you then, I still love you now and I'll always love you and be with you forever.
Fly away, I'll be okay. :')
RIP Disco (2006-2018)
I am so sorry about this. I know you have lost a family member, pets are just furry family memebers. I hope you find some comfort soon.
He was so cute! I’m so sorry for your loss. I have a cat too and she’s just the best!
Aww, I’m sorry and I feel your pain. Pets really become family. He looks like he was an awesome friend and companion. It’s nice that you have one of his babies still with you though 🙂
I’m really sorry for your lost, I lost my dog 3 years ago he was 16 years old. It’s hard because you loose a pet a friend a partner but he is in a better place now 🙂 remember disco with joy and happy memories
yes, i feel you.. i’ve cried my heart out on the day he died, but i agree with you, he’s in a better place now that he’s no longer in pain. i can always reminisce the good ol’ days through pictures i’ve got and they somehow always bring me happiness. 🙂
Oh, I’m so sorry to hear this. Losing a pet is like losing a member of the family! I’m happy you were able to take your friend’s cat and give him a good home though, sounds like Disco had a good life.
thank you so much, beth.. i hope he did. he’s in a better place now. 🙂