It's only a few days to 2019, can you freaking believe it?

It feels like it was yesterday that I graduated from college in 2011. And it's been pudding 8 years ever since. And no, you didn't read it wrong. I've changed f*cking to pudding for decoration. 😛

You've probably read my post on some things that I've learned in 2018 already. Well, normally I'd post some kind of resolution ~~that I would never accomplish later~~ at the end of the year. But I think not this time.

I think I'll speak broadly about what I hope for next year, because honestly… As I'm turning 30 next year, I think I'm old enough to eventually understand that resolution is somewhat just an illusion. At least most times of my life when I had one. #failed

Table of Content

A Short Story of My 2018

Well, at least I've managed to accomplish my bucket list to keep visiting a new country in ASEAN that I've never been. This year, I've done Borneo trip successfully and managed to step my foot in Brunei for the first time.

I've met interesting people, both online and offline. While traveling and through some dating apps. *lol*

For the latter, I decided to cut ties with someone that I met. He's nice and all, it's just I feel like I get to the point when I'd probably expect something more from him. At the same time, I think he's made it very clear that he's not very sure about it.

As much as I loved talking to him, I think I had to stop myself from expecting more. I mean, I've learned the hard way to stay at similar situation in the past. And if there's anything I've learned about this situation, I could never change someone who doesn't really want me in the beginning. And that kind of thoughts has become toxic, really.

And I'm not only speaking for myself, because I suppose my assumption like that is also toxic for another party. And I think we deserve some peace without that kind of drama in my cynical mind.

Now, to make it simple, I want to rant about some hope that I've got in the three aspects that I talk mostly on my blog: beau, beauty, and travel.

My Hope for 2019

If the previous years I could have a list full of things that I want to do and avoid, then this year I feel like I've learned more about acceptance. Acceptance or indifference about the future, whatever.

It's just that, I feel like I've learned enough how expectation could lead to disappointment. And if anything, I just want to expect less for the future.

After all, sometimes you get something worthy when you least expect it.

Beau

So, yes… I had to cut ties with a guy that I talked to for almost a year. Funny, because if I looked back, the number of guys I slept with this year is definitely decreasing this year.

Like, I only slept with 2 guys this year and it was such a huge deal with me and the classic debauchery. 😐

I literally only slept with this random guy earlier this year in January. But ever since I started talking to this guy that I just recently cut ties from, I only slept with this guy for the rest of the year. That was pretty big. Yeay, me!

If in the past few years, I was usually hoping for the prince charming. This year, I think I'll just give in. Like, I'm at that point when I feel like there's nothing like prince charming. Maybe the only thing charming for me is me. #selfcenteredbitchasitis

I know, next year I'm turning 30 and as much as I hate to admit it, the anxiety of stepping into the next level of my life is scary sometimes. Especially when you live with a demanding mother who keeps giving you pressure to start a new life as a wife.

You know what's funny? The more pressure I've got, the less I want to believe that marriage is for me. If I was so sure in the past that I wanted to have so kids, now I think twice and I feel like I'd make a shitty mother if I had one on my own.

It's fair to say that at least for now, maybe celibacy is the best for me. I seriously couldn't bother about dating sites anymore these days.

Beauty

Talking about beauty at this point, I think it's not only about the overwhelming makeup that I've purchased nowadays for the sake of trials and errors. I'm interested in doing something much more than that at the beauty part, so far it's been just a plan.

Maybe I should really take a look at more opportunities to transform it into something real.

For this one, I genuinely have an idea to develop this blog into something more. What is it? Hopefully, I could make it real next year.

It doesn't have to be something big, but then again even a small step counts when I put a little effort to achieve what I want.

Travel

Knowing that it's only 2 months until 30th birthday, I think I wouldn't make it to accomplish my bucket list just so I could visit all 10 ASEAN countries before I turn 30.

However, I'm not gonna so hard on myself, so I think even if I didn't make it to visit Laos and Cambodia in the first quarter of 2019, I will still plan a trip to go there later next year. If there's anything I know, I know I want to live slowly this year.

Also, I want to go to Bali next year. In fact, with the flexibility I've got in terms of work, I want to go out even more. That's the only way I could get my lazy ass do some exercise. 😛