I’ve been quite productive lately to the point that I feel like I’ve got a lot of things to write. Yeah, despite the fact that I haven’t completed my post for Borneo trip series. That, until I realized that it’s been a while since I wrote some rants on dating topic.
So, here’s the thing… One of the posts with the highest rank on Google is the one about fuck buddies. I’m not exactly proud of my accomplishment in this case, but now I realized what kind of post that triggers my potential out there. And for exactly the same reason, this time I’ll talk again about fuck buddies. Or friend with benefits, if you prefer.
Well, you might as well come with a new vocabulary as in flirtationship. But whatever, this time I’m going to share with you some tips on how to cut them off. And for the love of God, how to do it without any hard feeling.
Which could be hard, given the fact that sometimes you catch feeling somewhere. But anyway…
About Me and My Friend(s) with Benefits
I had way too many in the past. Like, honestly though… I couldn’t remember how many guys out there that have been with me in the past. While some people think that I come across as heartless, I too caught feeling sometimes.
In fact, that’s what happened to my last fuck buddy. I think I had invested so much time talking to him in almost a year, and I didn’t really talk to anyone else during that period. As I needed clarity on what might have happened next, it was clear that he wasn’t really looking for a relationship so I had to cut him off.
Was it hard to finally decide to cut him off? Yes. Did I regret it? Not in a million years.
I’m currently in a relationship with someone who actually wants me for me. And not with someone who’s not so sure about what I need to do in his life.
3 Ways to Successfully Cut Off Your Friend With Benefits
Well, I’ve experienced some ups and downs when it comes to friend(s) with benefits. From brutally deleted from a social media that I never wanted to be friends, to begin with, to even ended up dating the guy for slightly more than a year.
I suppose in this case practice makes perfect, in a way that I’ve dealt with too many friends with benefits that cutting them off is no longer a big deal. But I think, there are some ways you could try in order to cut them off without having to catch any hard feeling.
And yes, that also applies for any of you who just had your first fuck buddy.
So, what are those?
1. Communicate Clearly About What You Want From the Beginning.
So, in case you didn’t know, I’ve earned a master’s degree at online dating. 😛
Like honestly, I’ve met so many types of guy through some random dating apps that I had previously used. But the thing is, I always tried to tell them what I was looking for in the beginning.
Yes, there were times when I clearly told them that I was only looking for some one night stand. That’s what happened during my Vietnam trip when I met some fellow traveler just to get laid.
But there are also some other times when I pointed out that I just wanted to see how it could go. Like, clearly my biological clock was ticking, but I just wanted to see whether we would be compatible as partners. And yes, sex would be included at that point.
After a while, I always tried to be true. At least for myself. So, when I started to feel that I might catch feeling, I told them straight about it. In that case, supposedly that’d be the hard part. Since if the feeling wasn’t mutual, that might be the case of heartbreak.
But hey, it’s always better to know the bitter truth rather than keep wondering about what could have been.
2. Set Boundaries for Both of You.
This is the most important one, especially when you think you’re actually compatible in some other way that is beyond sex.
When your flirtationship is just solely about sex, it’s only fair to just communicate when you both get a chance to do it. There’s no need for some unnecessary random talk, especially those that actually reveal each of your personality.
Well, not that I forbid you from doing so… I’m just saying that setting boundaries could make it easier to cut people off. Especially those that you have no future with.
For me personally, I always tell them about my “3-time sex” rule. In which, I could only have sex with them three times, because after that we need to foresee what each other could offer in the future. Be it a relationship, or just stop it all at once.
Some people actually had to remind me that a relationship doesn’t work that way. But I tell you what, it does work that way. When people want you for whatever reason you could offer to them, they do. There’s no excuse for them to why you should keep talking with some blurry future.
I’ve learned it the hard way, but I’m glad I have.
3. Focus on What You Desire (and What You Deserve).
It always helps to know what you want. Not just in this kind of friends with benefits situation, but in everything else.
So, before you cut them off of your life, ask yourself what you want. Are you okay with the idea of being his fuck buddy when the feeling could grow deeper at some point in your life? Or are you tired of the grey area in your relationship?
It’s always helpful to act like an adult once you get into this fuck buddy situation. Obviously, your IDGAF attitude saves you a million too.
The last friend with benefits that I cut off, I did it because I knew that I’m tired of the situation. I only talked to him, but I wanted something more than just fuck buddies who talk to each other everyday. So I shot him with a question whether there was a chance to have something more.
He wasn’t sure. And again, I’m a firm believer that no answer is also an answer. And obviously, my only option was to keep in that grey area or just move on. I chose the latter.
Cutting People Off Is Never Easy, But More Often Than Not… It’s Worth It!
Yes, it’s never really easy to cut them off… Let alone people who you might have had a feeling for, it’s sometimes not easy to get rid of people that you don’t want to begin with.
But it’s important to believe that sometimes you need to clean up your social life. Take a look at Marie Kondo, just put in the trash those that don’t spark joy. And if your fuck buddy starts to make you feel sad and confused, then maybe it’s just the perfect time to cut them off.
And just so you know, I’ve met my current boyfriend only a week after I cut off my last fuck buddy. I couldn’t imagine what might have happened if I didn’t do it. But I think it’s worth it.