If you've been reading my blog for quite some time now, you might understand that most of the content is related to the transition from being a confused young woman in her 20's to a somewhat content woman in her early 30's.
A few days after my 30th birthday, I compiled a list of songs related to my life when I turned 30. I even got some time to write about the differences between dating in my 20's and 30's just to prove my point.
Now that it's been a while since the last time I wrote a piece about my life, I've come to an idea of writing about things that I believed in the past and how grateful I am that I've stopped believing now that I'm in my 30's.
So, what are these ridiculous beliefs that I used to have until my 20's?
“Your 20's are to make the mistakes, your 30's are to learn the lessons, your 40's are to pay for the drinks.”
Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City
Life Before 30's in a Nutshell
I spent my 20's being so naive and anxious about what will store for myself in the future. The pressure is none like others. Everybody looked like they got their shit together, and there was me struggling way too hard to make the ends met.
Well, I don't know who needs to hear this… But if there's anything that I got from getting over my 20's, I think during this period we excel at pretending. And mind you, it's not easy to live surrounded by others who also try to look like they're okay on the surface.
It's quite hard to show your vulnerability when you try to prove yourself and others that you actually get your shit together. It's not easy to admit that you can't have it all when people your age also try so hard to cover their weaknesses.
Most adults make us believe that being in our 20's is basically the best time of our lives. But if anything, it's probably the worst. You already get some responsibilities in which you try to generate your life on your own, but at the same time, you're not 100% sure whether you're doing it right.
And these days, people live in so many filters that you're not even sure how they actually do it in raw. Some people filter things through their religious beliefs, some try hard to build their confidence, while others just try to filter it by not getting themselves out there.
6 Things that I've Stopped Believing Before Turning 30
It's so hard not to look up to others when you're in 20's since you're not sure how to do it yourself. But hey, practice makes perfect, and sometimes the term “fake it til you make it” could do you just fine.
However, you will come to the point that you realize you need to get rid of things you believed in and just move on. So, these are the things that I stopped believing before I turned 30.
1. The belief that 20's is the best period one can ever have.
It's probably the biggest bullshit that I've ever heard about 20's. Taking from me, I think my 20's was the most tangled learning curves that I've ever passed.
Everybody tries to guide you to live your life without knowing whether it would work for you. It worked for them, so it must be working for you, right? Well, not always. But if it did, then lucky for you, I guess?!
While some people, whether they're lying or not, think their 20's is the best period they've had in life… I would say my 20's got into a rough edge. It was the period where I hustled so hard, both physically, mentally, and spiritually.
I wouldn't say it's the best period of my life. But it sure does help me remap what I want to do in life.
2. The belief that it's important to have a lot of friends.
I thought having many friends would save me from the confusion and the uncertainty I had in my 20's. But then there came the point when I felt like having many friends and acquaintances sometimes just hold me back from reaching my potential.
The more you see and interact with people, the less you realize the best thing you can do for yourself.
It's hard not to take things personally when you do something that you love, but then you hang out with other people in your age only to find out that they make more money than you do.
Comparing your life with your friends is the most toxic thing you can do to yourself, and it's so hard not to do it when you have plenty of friends.
Eventually, I grew apart with some of my old friends since we chose different paths in life. But what I got is that quality over quantity also applies in terms of friendship, and you don't need many friends to do well in life.
3. The belief that I shouldn't be too picky.
A mantra that I lived by when I was younger was that I tried everything once. Twice if I liked it. Thrice if I got addicted.
I mean, I was picky in a way, but then I was also quite adventurous. When you come from a traditional Sundanese family, there were always some people who would encourage you not to be picky. Especially since I'm a woman.
The older I get, the more I understand that my cup's overflown by their mindset. The way they live their lives isn't what I want to do with mine. And that's okay.
It's okay to have your standard higher than most people in your family. And if they start talking about you, playing deaf always works. It's your life, after all.
4. The belief that every problem will be solved by marriage.
Living as an Indonesian woman, I get so used to people glorifying marriage as if all the problems will be solved just by finding your other half.
As someone who spent most of my time being single than in a relationship, of course there were times when I started wondering what's wrong with me. I tried too hard when it comes to relationships that I've been in my 20's, only for me to realize that maybe being single in my early 30's is really just a blessing for me.
I got a chance for me to know myself better. I have a lot of time to grow both as an individual as well as a professional. More importantly, it gives me a chance to know what I really want in life.
Remember, even during the emergency situation of any kind, you'll be warned to get yourself secured first before helping others. It also applies at marriage or really any type of relationship in life.
5. The belief that prayers will save me everytime.
A few years ago, I met my university friend only to comment on how I used to pray daily years ago. And it hit me. Sometimes, some people belong in the past because they only know the old version of ourselves. That's the reason why not everyone belongs in your present.
I wasn't the most religious person in the world, but I admit that I used to seek help through prayers. Well, not anymore.
Now, I can't remember the last time I prayed, but I think I'm doing fine.
6. The belief that you need to have it all.
Suppose you asked me 5 years ago what I wanted to see myself at the present time. In that case, I'd say that I would expect me to be married to the person I love while making money through a job that I wholeheartedly enjoy. Perfect, isn't it?
But life doesn't work that way. You can only try your best, and you'll see how it goes. The only important thing is whether it works for you.
I'm in my alma mater group, and I could tell you how many accomplishments they posted daily there. While it's good for them, sometimes I started wondering whether what I do is worth it. Comparing my life with others can demotivate me to do what I'm good at in a split second.
And that's when I tried to remind myself that I don't really have to have it all. I just need to have it enough for myself. Enough to make me enjoy my life, enough to be grateful for what I do, enough to help others who need it.
So yeah, those are the beliefs that I'm glad I've stopped believing now that I'm enjoying my early 30's.
For you fellow people in their 30's, how much have you changed since your 20's? What are you grateful for? Share your insights below, and cheerio! 🙂
