5 Phases to Pass When You Suck at Love

So, I spent my quarantine time binge-watching The Mindy Project in the past few weeks. No kidding, I’ve just finished the last episode of its final season. Not to mention that I actually started watching it from the pilot episode. So yes, I have a lot of things to say about it because the ending was kind of disappointing. 

Regardless of what I think about the ending, I think about the whole series and it gave me an epiphany to start writing this piece. 

I could relate so much to Mindy when it comes to her dating experience. I mean, if you really gotta count how many guys I’ve slept with, you would probably think of me as a slut. Look, I’m not proud of my achievement in that case but if there’s anything I understand, it is probably because I simply suck at love. 

I texted my best friend yesterday, I told her that I don’t know how it is to be in a healthy relationship that whenever I am in one, it’s like just a ticking bomb where I count the time until I sabotage it. That’s when I realized that those who suck at love like I do, they could probably relate to these 5 phases they’ve passed throughout their romance life.

At least I have.

Source: Pexels.

1. The Naive Phase: The phase when you know you’re a hopeless romantic who’s too naive to expect a happy ending like romantic comedy movies you occasionally watch.

I may not be a romantic person, but romantic comedy is the only genre of movies that I enjoy watching. Call me superficial, but I’d rather watch Katherine Heigl’s movies than getting stuck with some Oscar-winning sophisticated movies like Shawshank Redemption for example. 

And yes, there was one time in my life when I was too naive to think that my life would turn out to be like a romantic comedy movie. I mean come on, the clumsy girl in the movie always ends up together with the most classy man in town. I thought I’d have a chance. 

I spent my teenage years thinking one day I’d meet Matteo Brighi and he’d fall in love with me. But nope, life isn’t perfect because a couple of years later I ended up getting my heart broken by an asshole boyfriend who not only cheated on me with 2 other girls but also took my virginity. 

Remember the scene at the Christmas party when Mindy found out that she had been Josh’s mistress for a year? I swear I really think Mindy’s character is actually me in a nutshell. 

Source: Pexels.

2. The Stupid Phase: The phase when you think you can fix what’s been broken.

Well, you might have skipped this phase if you’re smarter than me. But nope, unfortunately, I was quite dumb when it comes to romance. I always gave a second chance to people that turned out to not deserve it. Without exception, my ex-boyfriend(s). 

In the past, my guts would say that I was in a toxic relationship. But my dumb heart would ensure me that they deserved the second chance. I mean, it’s unclear whether it was my dumb heart or my dumb pussy that missed the sex, but what I found out is this: You can’t fix what’s been broken. 

Remember that scene when Mindy had sex in the elevator with Danny, only to find out that Danny was engaged to Sarah later on? That shit hit a little too close to home because I once hooked up with my ex only to see him change his status into “engaged” on Facebook a month later. 

Source: Pexels.

3. The Adventurous Phase: The phase when you start being realistic about the thin chance of happy ending and decide to see what’s out there.

Well, some of you are probably lucky enough to marry your first boyfriend. To be fair, if that’s the case I’m not sure if it’s lucky or you’re just missing out. But anyway, when you stop being stupid, you’ll realize that there is actually plenty of fishes in the sea. 

You can be so picky but still adventurous in some ways. Through this phase, you probably go on a lot of dates, and even though you start being realistic about the slight chance of getting your happy ending, you’re still hopeful. 

It’s like, you go on a date. The date went well, maybe there’s another second date and you end up sleeping together. Well, at this point you just wish you wouldn’t be so hopeful. But still, you’ll be waiting for him to text you the next day. 

In this phase, you’re a hopeless romantic who wishes you could be a Chrissy Teigen for your John Legend.

If you’re lucky, you might be. Otherwise, you’ll get into the next phase. 

Source: Pexels.

4. The Hoe Phase: The phase when you’re basically desperate about the idea of romance that you start using sex and dating as your safe shield. 

I’m not proud of this, but I could say that I’m in this phase.

Now we know that in the last phase you were a hopeless romantic. Well, in this phase you’re barely romantic and just hopeless. Like you start getting exhausted about the idea of romance, but you still like the idea of going out for a date.

At this point, you probably won’t even say no to the idea of a one night stand. You swipe right on Tinder, you meet up for a drink, only to find yourself walking the walk of shame the next day. 

The only difference is that at this point, you just see the date or hookup as a bonus rather than something to get them into a commitment. At this point, you loosen up. 

Although to be fair, be positive because sometimes you find something good when you’re not looking.

Source: Pexels.

5. The Miss Havisham Phase: The phase when you stop expecting good things that seem to never happen to you. 

I’m using Charles Dicken’s Great Expectations character since she’s basically the symbol of the heart that breaks from once-loving too hard. See, I could be sentimental and not just saying dumb stuff sometimes. 😛 

Well, at this point maybe you wish you were at least as rich as Miss Havisham to enjoy your loneliness with your wealth. But let’s just not get into this phase too soon, because maybe someone somewhere is right for you.

Don’t let the trauma in the past eat you alive. Learn to forgive, and move on. I mean, sure the people on The Mindy Project literally ended up antagonizing Danny and Mindy character in the last 2 seasons for a bit, but the moral lesson they tried to deliver is that people change. And sometimes we have to accept it in order to have a happy ending. 

Well then, which phase are you in? Tell me where you are in the comment, and cheerio! 😀 



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