- How It’s Like to Be Friends with Your Mom
- Some Things I’ve Learned from My Mom
- 1. Always Know Where You Come From
- 2. You Can Be Both Sarcastic and Still Kind at the Same Time
- 3. You Don’t Have to Be the Best in Everything, But You Can Always Try
- 4. It’s Okay to Nag As Long As You Spare Some Time to Listen
- 5. Cry It Out when You Feel Lost But Don’t Forget to Stand Up and Get Your Shit Together in the Aftermath
As I said, lately I got into that writer’s block situation. But yesterday, as I was in the middle of a conversation with my Mom, I feel like I want to write something about her.
I mean, I’m not exactly somewhat emotional when it comes to my feeling. God knows I rarely even express my love to the beloved ones. It isn’t also because Mother’s day is approaching since it’s only in the middle of September.
The idea of writing something about her is simply because I think she deserves this post. I mean, really she deserves more… But then again, I’m broke
and as much as she wants me to get married asap, so far no one seems interested to marry her daughter.
This post is rather personal, but I hope you could gain something out of it.
Long story short, as we were gossiping one of my cousins yesterday, I realized that at this point we talk to each other rather as friends. Yes, we were once some kind of nemesis to each other at some point in our lives, just like any other couples of Mom and daughter. But as I got older, I’ve seen a friend in her.
I don’t know what kind of parenting you think is the best for you, but I think the way my parents raised me is something for me to look at if one day I have a child on my own.
How It’s Like to Be Friends with Your Mom
Some of my childhood friends, they grew up idolizing their mom. I didn’t.
If anything, whatever my mom was when I was a kid, I wanted to be the opposite. I often saw my friends’ mom and I felt envy because my mom wasn’t as sophisticated as theirs.
The hell with the battle of stay-at-home mom vs working mom. As I started socializing in the kindergarten, having friends and seeing their moms, I suppose that’s where I started to learn what envy was.
My mom has always been a stay-at-home mom who takes care of everything in the house. She’s in charge for all the chores, as well as what to serve in the dining table. She’s the legit portrait of a woman in the patriarchy side of this world. And I simply didn’t wanna be like her.
I remember one of my friend’s mom is a policewoman, and that was my first answer to the question “What do you want to be when you grow up?”
I wanted to be a cop.
The Older I Get, The More I Learn Things About Her and That’s Where I Find A Friend in Her
If there’s something that I want to thank my Mom for, I think that would be the respect she’s given throughout my life. Despite the millions of tantrum that I’ve thrown through my life, she always treats me like a human being.
I couldn’t thank her enough to never try too hard to make me the person she wants me to be. She always lets me be myself, no matter what.
Over time, I could only understand that sooner or later, like it or hate it, I’m her daughter anyway. Half of my DNA and characteristics, I got from her, so it’s only certain that I would eventually turn into her without even trying.
All the differences that we’ve got, we communicate as she understands that the world doesn’t revolve around her. The older I get, the more I want to be like her.
Not because she’s in charge of everything in the household. Also not because she’s the only cook that could make all the meals taste better at home. More like because the older I get, the more values I see in her as a mom, a woman, and more than everything… As a friend.
Some Things I’ve Learned from My Mom
As much as I love makeup, I’ve never learned anything about makeup from my mom. It’s quite rare to see her without makeup and it’s not because she excels at ‘no makeup’ makeup look. It’s because she simply doesn’t wear any.
Everything about skincare and makeup, I’ve learned it from others. During my adolescence, I tried my first skincare regime as I started reading some teenagers’ magazine like Seventeen. And thanks to the internet, I knew how to apply makeup on my face when I was in high school.
If there’s anything else that I owe my mom for, it is how she has invested so many things in terms of the inner beauty in me. Things that are definitely beyond just a pretty face.
1. Always Know Where You Come From
The reason why I brought up the topic about makeup and everything, it was because there was a plenty of times when I was young and foolish that I felt ashamed as people often mistakenly thought that my mom was my nanny. At that time, I felt like she could have tried harder to look better just so people wouldn’t look down on her.
Her upbringing is pretty unique though, because she was indeed a nanny before. Before she married my dad, she was hired by my aunt to take care of my cousins and assist her in the households.
Yes, she was a nanny before, but not the kind of controversial nannies who were also homewreckers like those who worked for the Afflecks or the Schwarzenegger though. 😛
She never got offended by the judgment people have towards her. In fact, one time I remember she picked me up from school and one of my friend’s mom asked if she was my nanny.
She laughed it off and said that she was indeed a nanny for her children. And she always added that she comes from a small village in some rural area in the western part of Java, so excuse her if she couldn’t keep up the conversation as she’s still trying to fit in.
Fast forward to today, I always remember it whenever I’m away from home.
2. You Can Be Both Sarcastic and Still Kind at the Same Time
If you asked me where I got my dark sense of humor, I’d be confident that I got it from my mom. She’s the kind of person who would roast you when she got a chance.
And it still applies as she has to be the main caretaker of my grandma who’s also her mom-in-law. I understand it could be so stressful at times, especially when my grandma is the kind of person who would call her to do some random stuff every other minute when she’s still got other things to do.
As it’s her character, she occasionally talks back that it’s possible for other people to take it the wrong way. But as often as she talks back to the elderly, she occasionally apologizes at times.
She shows me how we could be sarcastic while at the same time also spreading kindness and positive energy to our surroundings.
3. You Don’t Have to Be the Best in Everything, But You Can Always Try
Growing up, I always listened to my friends’ stories about their mom who forced her to follow their directions. You know, the kind of parents who would question why they got B as they expected the kids to get A. #AsianProblem
I never related to it though, as my mom would appreciate me to get B if I worked hard enough for it. If there’s any pressure given by her, I think she’s the kind of parents who would accept the mediocrity. Like it’s okay not to be the best in everything, but it’s not an excuse to be the worst either.
I mean, one time I remember I came home with all my answers crossed on a Math test. I didn’t have any clue what happened so I told her that there was no number on my test so I wasn’t sure.
She was furious and that night, she took over my math test and despite the fact she only graduated elementary school, she tried so hard to get me understood the context. Thank God I was only a 2nd grader at that time so she could keep up! 😛
4. It’s Okay to Nag As Long As You Spare Some Time to Listen
This is probably the kind of attitude that somehow benefits everyone. When she thinks she’s got a problem, she makes sure that everyone knows so she nags. But as nagging wouldn’t end the problem, she always takes time to listen to put things clear.
If there’s anything I could learn about how to make a relationship work, I’ve learned it from my mom and dad. And so far, it’s quite effective despite they’re totally the opposite character from each other.
My dad is the kind of person who would bottle up the problem until it’s overwhelmed, while my mom is the kind of person who would speak out to make sure that the message is clear. The thing is, someone like my dad would eventually get tired of listening to her nagging so he got forced to speak out anyway.
5. Cry It Out when You Feel Lost But Don’t Forget to Stand Up and Get Your Shit Together in the Aftermath
I remember vividly the first time I saw my mom crying. It was circa 1993, when my mom got a phone call with a bad news.
At that time, she received the call about her sister losing her stillborn. My mom was adjusting my dress at that time, and she stopped to cry it out. When she cried, the lil ol’ me felt lost too but then she stood up, washed her face and hugged me to tell me what just happened and why.
After that, she said it was okay. The next thing I knew, she started sewing again to fix my dress.
It wasn’t until later, I realized that this attitude was super powerful.
See, I don’t have any children now and neither I plan to have any soon. But at this point, I’m glad that I’ve got a mom to whom I could look up to. The one who has given me more than many precious lessons for me to get by in life.
And I can’t thank her enough to make me the friend and the woman. I sure hope that one day I can pass the legacy to be the mom she has always been. One that is always good enough. 🙂